Tags: accountability & responsibility, Conflict and Criticism, conflict avoidant, core values, diversity and inclusionThis week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions is on a topic that, in a way, I’d prefer not to be talking about. At the same time, though, I value the opportunity to do so. After sharing a video on Instagram where […]
Tags: chemistry, Compatibility, core values, incompatibility, loyalty, people pleasing, superficial relationships, valuesI talk to people who are keen to evolve their relationships and attempting to get to grips with values, and they’ve had at least one of these three habits: Ever been hung up on someone who, when the relationship crack wore off, you realised […]
Tags: being nice, hiding anger and control, nice, obsessing about my relationship or breakup, people pleasing, rejection, Rejection sensitivity, resentment, The Good Girl and The Good GuyOne of the biggest barriers to making the decision to break up, staying broken up, or breaking up with your self-esteem in tow, is people pleasing in an attempt to influence […]
Tags: boundaries and walls, commitment resistance, emotional availability, emotional guardedness, emotional investment, emotional unavailability, emotional walls, failure, Fallback Girls, fear of failure, Landmarks of Healthy Relationships, procrastination Over the years, many a reader has claimed that they’ve been emotionally available to an emotionally unavailable partner. Here’s the thing: If we are truly emotionally available and […]
Tags: Actions match words, assertiveness, decision making, denial, Fast Forwarding, Future Faking, intentions, knowing when to fold, looking for validation in relationships, overestimating interest and capacity, people pleasing, Rejection retraction, return on investment in relationships, The Reset ButtonWhen we’re confronted with the realisation that our partner has done a U-turn on previously expressed feelings and […]
Tags: common interests in relationships, Compatibility, core values It might not feel like a big leap in thinking to assume that someone who shares similar interests to you also shares similar values. In practice, though, it’s an enormous one. It ignores the fact that someone can have a fundamentally different character and set of desires […]
There's a reason why we stop accepting the crumbs we did before in our relationships: we've chosen self-love over pain. We've chosen not to settle.
Tags: boundaries in friendships, having boundaries with friends, people pleasingDebbie says: At the age of 49 I still have a problem of being a doormat to my best friend. I don’t know how to raise my self-esteem so I don’t have to depend on her approval. I read one of my diaries from my teens […]
Tags: accountability & responsibility, balance in relationships, Building healthy relationships, building intimacy, Commitment to self, Compatibility, emotional availability, Emotional Availability in Relationships, emotionally available, foundations of healthy relationships, integrity, integrity in relationships, loving relationships, maturity in relationships, ownership in relationships, positive outlook in relationships, Qualities of a Loving Partner, responsibility in relationships, the five stages […]
Tags: boundaries - personal electric fence, loneliness, shady behaviour, shady people, shady relationships, The Circle of TrustSomething that really scares someone who’s embarking on instilling some much-needed boundaries is believing that having and asserting boundaries will scare away everyone. The thing is, the only people who take issue with healthy boundaries are the ones that you need […]
Tags: accountability & responsibility, Conflict and Criticism, conflict avoidant, core values, diversity and inclusionThis week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions is on a topic that, in a way, I’d prefer not to be talking about. At the same time, though, I value the opportunity to do so. After sharing a video on Instagram where […]
Tags: Actions match words, authenticity, casual relationships, casual sex, emotional availability, emotional unavailability It can be a bit of a blindside when you switch from ambiguous, super relaxed and going with the flow, to having expectations of something that’s very much the opposite.The other party may be very content to be ambiguous and undefined – […]
Tags: accountability & responsibility, Conflict and Criticism, conflict avoidant, core values, diversity and inclusionThis week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions is on a topic that, in a way, I’d prefer not to be talking about. At the same time, though, I value the opportunity to do so. After sharing a video on Instagram where […]
Tags: Abandonment, empathy, grieving the loss of your relationship, I'm not good enough belief, narcissistic harems, overempathy, relationship patterns, toxic family, toxic typeIt’s so hard when I witness someone who keeps throwing themselves in the front line of pain by repeatedly returning to a toxic relationship or not leaving it. It’s not just because I’ve […]
Tags: breaking old habits to create new habits, emotional availability, emotional baggage, emotional unavailability, emotionally unavailable, relationship patternsWhatever it is that’s brought you to Baggage Reclaim and got you exploring the subject of emotional unavailability and emotional baggage, if you want your circumstances to change and for you to break your pattern, you will need […]
Tags: assclowns, The Reset Button, trust issuesOne of the things that fascinates me about human nature, is our irrational desire and sometimes need to be liked by people who we ourselves do not like. We can be mad at a person and decide that we don’t like him/her but then feel wounded and even rejected […]
Tags: casual relationships, decision making, The Disappointment Cycle, uncomfortable comfort zone When I suggest to people that they could opt out of the Disappointment Cycle in their lives, which is where they keep responding in a similar manner because they hope that they’re going to get something (a relationship, validation etc.,) and then it doesn’t […]
Tags: assertiveness, blowing hot and cold, boundaries - personal electric fence, shady behaviour, shady people, shady relationships, The No Contact Rule Sometimes we mistake a person’s boundary busting pestering for tenacity, when they’re actually being persistent at doing the same thing and expecting different results. What they’re also doing is trying to bulldoze or act […]
Are you the Fallback Girl? If you’ve ever found yourself in a relationship that feels and seemingly looks like one but you’re struggling with commitment or you’ve been in the ambiguous territory of a ‘casual relationship’, you’ve likely tried to change them, wondered what you ‘did’ to cause this, what you can do to win […]
Tags: boundaries - personal electric fence, loneliness, shady behaviour, shady people, shady relationships, The Circle of TrustSomething that really scares someone who’s embarking on instilling some much-needed boundaries is believing that having and asserting boundaries will scare away everyone. The thing is, the only people who take issue with healthy boundaries are the ones that you need […]
Tags: betting on potential, boundaries and walls, charming people, chemistry, Choppers, Code amber & Red behaviour & Issues, emotional guardedness, emotional walls, Fast Forwarding, Future Fakers, Future Faking, ignoring yourself, Mr Unavailable, People can be more than one thing, Reasoning habits, red flags, The Reset Button, ‘good points’Any toxic relationship I’ve been involved in has […]
Tags: apologising, expressing remorse, Guilt, I'm not good enough belief, impatient, Obsessive entitlement, Regret, shame, superficial relationships Guilt is one those emotions where if you don’t do something positive with it and/or gain some perspective, you end up persecuting yourself unnecessarily while your life begins to stagnate. Whether the guilt you’re experiencing is appropriate or […]
Tags: Abusive Relationships, Actions match words, aggressive behaviour, anger issues, assclowns, betting on potential, boundaries - personal electric fence, cheating, Code amber & Red behaviour & Issues, coercive control, Compatibility, control in relationships, controlling behaviour in relationships, emotional unavailability, fairy tales, Florence Nightingale habit, gaslighting, handling putdowns, how do I know what their intentions are, […]
Tags: acceptance, Actions match words, authenticity, emotional availability, emotional unavailability, new years resolutions, Normalising bad behaviour, red flags, The Bullshit Diet, The No Contact Rule One of the biggest obstacles to happiness is resistance which is something we engage in by living in denial by telling ourselves lies and half truths, that enable us to […]
It's easy to assume that because they're texting or you're sleeping together, you're in a relationship. Here are thirty signs of disinterest.
Understanding who is in your circle of trust helps you to practice discernment and have the appropriate boundaries.
Tags: Actions match words, assclowns, Future Fakers, Future Faking, ignoring yourself, listening to yourself, passive aggression, surviving christmasIn the recent guest post by Trish, her Mr Unavailable made a lot of noise about spending Christmas together and then went dark on her the day before. Instead, he spent it with his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend! And […]
After breaking up from an unavailable relationship, we can become consumed by the question "Will he get in contact with me?". Help is at hand.
Tags: boundaries - personal electric fence 1. I cannot emphasise this enough: Women do not like to be tugged, mauled, yanked, poked, or even tripped to get their attention. Saying, “Hello beautiful!”, will not make her feel any better about almost landing on her face! 2. Come correct. Approach is everything. Just like the mauling, […]
Tags: bouncing back, Conflict and Criticism, I'm not good enough belief, ignoring yourself, inner critic, judgement, listening to yourself, rejection, Rejection retraction, self-compassion, shame Criticism, which is in essence a form of feedback that isn’t necessarily ‘bad’ as many assume but that also isn’t necessarily true either, is something that most people struggle with in […]
Tags: authenticity, core values, mindfulness, rejection, shame, The Circle of Trust, uncomfortable comfort zone, values, vulnerabilityWhen I was a teenager growing up in Dublin and battling with that very typical desire to ‘fit in’, my mother would trot out her standard line,“Would you jump off a bridge if someone told you to?” As one of […]
From avoiding people who haven't left their existing relationship, to not accepting lazy communication, Natalie shares 12 core boundaries to live by.
It's easy to assume that because they're texting or you're sleeping together, you're in a relationship. Here are thirty signs of disinterest.
Tags: accountability & responsibility, Am I too sensitive?, Blame Absorbers, boundaries - personal electric fence, Choppers, Conflict and Criticism, Fast Forwarding, Future Fakers, Future FakingWhen I spoke with the owner of a restaurant about my inedible main and dessert recently, he proceeded to focus on me not having spoken to him sooner about it, at […]
Tags: comparison, Conflict and Criticism, narcissists, people pleasing, rejection, Rejection retraction, self-compassion, uncomfortable comfort zone When your interest isn’t reciprocated or a relationship ends, how much it hurts and whether you feel broken as a person is very much tied to how much you’re persecuting you while pumping up the other party. It’s totally understandable […]
Tags: Choppers, Conflict and Criticism, crazy-making, narcissists, people pleasing, seeking perfection in relationships, shameIt’s painful when the realisation hits you that when it comes to a certain someone or even certain people in your life, nothing, and I do literally mean nothing, is ever enough. You could walk over hot coals, limbo under a bar […]
Tags: Conflict and Criticism, passive aggression, people pleasing Sometimes we can find ourselves in situations where we feel compelled to say something about what someone has said or done, possibly because it’s aimed specifically at us or because we’re part of a group of people who are affected by it. Most of us have some […]
Tags: Abandonment, assclowns, fear of abandonment in relationships, narcissists, The No Contact Rule, The Reset Button, why did they disappear? Dee’s ex kept pursuing her periodically for over ten years until she stopped taking his calls and emails. “Ten years of anxiety about when I’d hear from him next or what the hell he wanted […]
Tags: auditioning in dating and relationships, being valued in relationships, chemistry, common interests in relationships, disappointment, Drama reduction, early stages of dating, failure, mutually fulfilling relationships, rejection, Rejection retraction, stage 0 and 1 of relationships‘Rejection’ within dating and relationships is widely treated like ‘auditioning’ for a part and then failing to get the role. Think […]
Tags: assclowns, betting on potential, blowing hot and cold, boundaries - personal electric fence, Communication, decision making, emotional investment, emotional unavailability, fairy tales, ignoring yourself, knowing when to fold, listening to yourself, looking for validation in relationships, lovenomics, managing expectations in relationships, power in relationships, return on investment in relationships, superficial relationships, The Outrageous Principle, […]
