Recognizing covert abuse and coercive control - Ruth Darlene & WomenSV
Gain insights into the tell-tale signs of emotional abuse & learn how to break the cycle of codependency. Recognize red flags & take control.
Have you ever wondered if emotional abuse could be quietly lurking in your relationship?
Welcome to part 5 of our 10 part series on child abuse and neglect. Today, we will be looking at signs to look for indicating potential abuse or neglect. RECOGNIZING SIGNS OF POTENTIAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT As those who work with children, and those interested in ministering to at risk kids, it is important that we understand the warning signs of potential abuse and neglect. This section includes some general guidance as well as specific things to look for in both children and their parents for the different types of abuse and neglect. I have gathered this information from the various sources listed at the end of this article. Accordingly, I have not endeavored to cite a source on each individual sign. The single best source I have found, and the starting point for many of the items in these lists, is the publication What is Child Abuse and Neglect? Recognizing Signs and Symptoms from The Child Welfare Information Gateway of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. The signs listed in this section may be indicators of abuse and neglect. The existence of one sign or even the prolonged existence of one sign does not necessarily prove the existence of abuse of neglect and may be related to other factors. While we must be on the lookout for potential signs of abuse and neglect, we must also proceed with caution in concluding that abuse or neglect is present based only on these signs. We will talk more later in this article about what to do when you suspect abuse, but it is important to remember that false accusations of abuse or neglect can harm not only the accused by the child you are trying to protect in the first place. In the end, the best way to assess a situation is to have a personal relationship with the child that you have developed beforehand that will allow you to discern what is going on. Of course, this is not always possible. Each section includes potential signs of abuse to look for in the children and to look for in parents. The section of general signs also includes things to look for specifically related to the relationship between the child and the parent. General Signs and Information We will look at signs to look for when it comes to specific types of abuse and neglect later, but the following represent general signs that a child might be suffering maltreatment. Things to look for in children: Shows sudden changes in behavior or school performance Has not received help for physical or medical problems brought to the parents’ attention Has learning problems (or difficulty concentrating) that cannot be attributed to specific physical or psychological causes Is always watchful, as though preparing for something bad to happen Lacks adult supervision Is overly compliant, passive, or withdrawn Comes to school or other activities early, stays late, and does not want to go home Things to look for in parents: Shows little concern for the child Denies the existence of—or blames the child for—the child’s problems in school or at home Asks teachers or other caregivers to use harsh physical discipline if the child misbehaves Sees the child as entirely bad, worthless, or burdensome Demands a level of physical or academic performance the child cannot achieve Looks primarily to the child for care, attention, and satisfaction of emotional needs Things to look for in the relationship between the child and parent: Rarely touch or look at each other Consider their relationship entirely negative State that they do not like each other Physical Abuse Things to look for in children: Burns Bites Bruises Welts Lacerations or Cuts Broken bones Black eyes Hair loss Fading bruises or other marks Seems frightened of parents and protests or cries when it is time to go home Shrinks at the approach of adults Seems always watchful or on alert for something bad to happen Reports injury by a parent or another adult caregiver Injuries appear to have a pattern (as from a foreign object) Uncommon location for injuries (e.g., underarms, neck, back, stomach, thighs) Shies away from touch Flinches at sudden movement Appears afraid to go home Wears inappropriate clothing (e.g., a coat on a warm day) to cover up bruises Recurring injuries with inconsistent, implausible or guarded explanations Hesitation regarding showing certain body parts Acts out aggression on others Fear Withdrawal Depression Has fantasies, artwork or threats of violence Regression Nightmares Insomnia Things to look for in parents: Offers conflicting, unconvincing, or no explanation for the child’s injury Describes the child as “evil,” or in some other very negative way Uses harsh physical discipline with the child Has a history of abuse as a child Emotional Abuse Things to look for in children: Shows extremes in behavior, such as overly compliant or demanding behavior, extreme passivity, or aggression Is inappropriately adult (parenting other children, for example) Is inappropriately infantile (frequently rocking or head-banging, for example) Excessively withdrawn, fearful or anxious about doing something wrong Is delayed in physical or emotional development Has attempted suicide Reports a lack of attachment to the parent Doesn’t seem to be attached to caregiver Dramatic changes in behavior Unusual fears for the child’s age Inability to react with emotion Inability to develop emotional bonds with others Hides eyes Lowered gaze Biting lips or tongue Forcing a smile Fidgeting Annoyance Defensiveness Exaggeration Confusion or denial Feeling of nakedness, defeat, alienation or lack of worth Regression Poor self-esteem Angry acts Withdrawal Insecurity Alcohol or drug abuse Depression Difficulty in relationships Eating disorders Sleep disorders/nightmares Speech disorders Developmental delays Nervous disorders or somatic symptoms Things to look for in parents: Constantly blames, belittles, or berates the child Is unconcerned about the child and refuses to consider offers of help for the child’s problems Overtly rejects the child Sexual Abuse Things to look for in children: Has difficulty walking or sitting Suddenly refuses to participate in physical activities Reports nightmares or bedwetting Experiences a sudden change
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