I always believe the punishment should teach some lesson otherwise there is no point.
Being a parent is often called the toughest of all jobs, and like in any other job, there’s space for mistakes. We all make mistakes, but when it comes to parenting, the stakes are high. The wrong things we do or say can backfire when our kids grow into adults. Luckily, family psychologists are always ready to guide us on this treacherous road and help us raise happier children.
I always believe the punishment should teach some lesson otherwise there is no point.
This free SEL Growth Mindset Poster reminds us of pro-active steps to take when we make a mistake. Use this in your counseling office, classroom, or even at home. ...
Have you ever “lost it” with you kids? My guess is that most people will answer, “Yes,” to this question. The next question is, “Then what did you do?”. Did you feel guilty and beat up on yourself. Or did you rejoice because you just provided your children with a model of learning from mistakes? A primary theme of Positive Discipline is that “Mistakes are Wonderful Opportunities to Learn”. This is true for adults as well as children. People who are drawn to Positive Discipline really believe in treating children with dignity and respect. However, these same people are not “saints”. They don’t always “live” what they know—including me. This is a good thing. Instead of feeling guilty when you make a mistake, rejoice that you have just provided a good example for your children. Guilt is not productive for longer than about 10 seconds. In 10 seconds your guilt will serve you to help you can realize you have made a mistake. Then give up the guilt and do something about the mistake. Lisa Fuller, a Certified Positive Discipline Trainer in Oakland, CA shared the following article. I knew it would be encouraging to so many parents who sometimes find themselves in the same boat, so I asked for her permission to share it with you. (To find out more about becoming certified with Positive Discipline, go to www.positivediscipline.org) Close and Connected Even When Mom’s ‘Lost It’ By Lisa Fuller, MSW, CPDT in OAKLAND, CA The other night at supper I completely ‘lost it’ with my kids—I mean full-on, crazy-woman kind of ‘lost it’: that raised voice, heart-pumping loss of control that feels scary at the time. Twice I had asked my ten year-old son, Ethan, to attach the belted carrier for his CD player. As part of his occupational therapy he does therapeutic listening with a CD player and headset for a half hour every morning and evening. During our meal, he got up to get himself a glass of milk, and I noticed the cord dangling around the table and start to pull on the CD player (I imagined it crashing to the floor) as he headed for the fridge. My tirade went something like: “THAT’S-IT. YOU-NEED-TO-TAKE-CARE-OF-THIS-NOW-BEFORE-YOU-DO-ONE-MORE-THING. YOU-ARE-PUSHING-ME, WHY-DO-YOU-KEEP-PUSHING-ME? TAKE-CARE-OF-IT-RIGHT-NOW!” We stood two feet from one another–I pointed my finger vehemently at him and spoke in my loudest voice. Believe it or not, this was a tempered reaction for what I wanted to do was put my hands around his neck and shake him. What followed reminded me of the movement of a ghost as Ethan turned and seemed to silently float out of the room to retrieve the belted carrier. His response was so calm juxtaposed to my internal violence. I returned to my seat at the table. Three-year-old Sonja said, in a matter of fact tone, “That was too loud mommy–that hurt my ears.” Meanwhile I took deep breaths–trying to regain some sense of composure so we could move on. 13-year-old Nicolaas sat there–I felt a rush of embarrassment. Ethan returned. He looked at me with a sheepish grin in his eye–already he’d forgiven me. He had his two hands vigorously pressed on either side of his mouth—to keep from laughing. I couldn’t help but smile at him and I said “thank you for taking care of it.” Now it was I who started laughing with great relief. Before I knew it we were all roaring. Through his giggles Ethan explained how he had never heard me be so loud and how much it hurt his ears – “you really lost it mom,” he said. After we had eaten a little more and laughed a little more I said I was sorry for having exploded and I expressed my regret. As usual the kids were very forgiving and just happy that we were now all smiling and feeling close and connected. A week after this incident a new friend came to our house and remarked how our home had a uniquely remote feeling in a tight, urban neighborhood. She said, “The neighbors hear my kids screaming when I wash their hair.” Ethan smiled at me, knowingly and enthusiastically added, “Oh yeah mom, remember how loud and crazy you were last week!” Could it be that he did not feel ashamed but rather remembered the experience as “mom being loud and losing control.” This struck me as significant - he was able to separate and choose how to respond to a difficult situation. I’m sure I will have other hard times with my kids. I will do things that I wish I hadn’t–I will have regrets and wish I were a better parent. But what feels different for me now, after years of practice, of stumbling through the lessons of Positive Discipline, is that I know my connection with my children has its base in mutual respect. When I make such a mistake, I don’t simply move past it as if nothing happened. I acknowledge what happened, if not in the moment, soon enough that it is relevant to the children. Last, there is an element of trust and letting go–role modeling the best that I can while knowing that I will continue to be an imperfect parent.
I have a daughter who does not have what Carol Dweck calls growth mindset. So I'm implementing specific parenting strategies to help her develop it.
Being a parent is often called the toughest of all jobs, and like in any other job, there’s space for mistakes. We all make mistakes, but when it comes to parenting, the stakes are high. The wrong things we do or say can backfire when our kids grow into adults. Luckily, family psychologists are always ready to guide us on this treacherous road and help us raise happier children.
Being a parent is often called the toughest of all jobs, and like in any other job, there’s space for mistakes. We all make mistakes, but when it comes to parenting, the stakes are high. The wrong things we do or say can backfire when our kids grow into adults. Luckily, family psychologists are always ready to guide us on this treacherous road and help us raise happier children.
Teach Your Dragon It's OK to Make Mistakes. A Cute Children Story To Teach Kids About Perfectionism and How To Accept Failures.\nHaving a pet dragon is very fun.You can teach him to sit, roll over, and play...He can candle a birthday cake, lit a campfire, or so many other cool things...But what if your dragon is always afraid of making mistakes? What if he's too extreme and want everything to be PERFECT?What if he's paranoid about every mistake he makes, no matter how big or small? What should you do?You teach him how to accept mistakes and learn from them!You teach him that mistakes are just part of life, and it's OK to make mistakes?But how?Get this book and learn how!Fun, cute, and entertaining with beautiful illustrations, this is a must have book for children, parents and teachers to teach kids how to embrace mistakes, accept failures and learn to grow.GET THIS BOOK NOW AND ENJOY!
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Authors: Mark Pett and Gary Rubinstein Interest Level: Ages 5 and Up A Note From the Publisher: Meet Beatrice Bottomwell: a nine-year-old girl who has never (not once!) made a mistake. She never forgets her math homework, she never wears mismatched socks, and she ALWAYS wins the yearly talent show at school. In fact, Beatrice holds the record of perfection in her hometown, where she is known as The Girl Who Never Makes Mistakes. Life for Beatrice is sailing along pretty smoothly until she does the unthinkable–she makes her first mistake. And in a very public way! Why It's On My Bookshelf: I teach lessons around the message that it's okay to make a mistake and we all make them. Most importantly - how to recover from a mistake! Kids are working hard everyday practicing and acquiring new skills in so many areas. Part of growing up is learning how to deal with making a mistake. This is a brand new book to my shelf so I haven't gotten a chance to use it yet. It's going to be a HIT. Kids need to hear it's absolutely OKAY to flub up because as we say in our school: Mistakes are opportunities for learning. Mistake DOES NOT mean failure or there is something wrong with you. Sometimes children get that stuck in their heads. You're going to appreciate this new one. A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful:
Recently, we have learned about “growth mindset.” I have two questions for you to answer: 1.) I’ve learned that “growth mindset” means…… 2.) Knowing what …
