Young knitters often stop me on the street* and ask, "Franklin, how do you determine whether or not a person ought to get a knitted gift or a store-bought gift?" My personal rule for deciding this couldn't be simpler. I ask myself these two questions regarding the potential recipient: Are you a close blood relation with whom I am on speaking terms? Are you providing me with high-quality free sex on a regular basis? If the the answer to either question** is "yes," then I will consider knitting a gift. So often, though, the confused young knitter confesses that he or she finds these criteria insufficient, and asks for further clarification. To that end, I have prepared the following chart. Unlike me, it is available for consultation twenty-four hours a day, every day; and you will never stop it to ask it questions when it is horribly late for an important meeting or, frankly, just needs to get home and pee. *Not really. **I hasten to reassure the gentle reader that the answer to both questions is never "yes."
