“I wouldn’t worry, I think you’ll get better.” This is what the disability lawyer told me as I sat across from his desk, shuddering uncontrollably from the effort of sitting up for an hour. What I should have said was, “Oh really? What exactly makes you think that? Tell me why, after 15 years of being ill and no available treatment for my disease, you believe I will magically just get better. What exactly do you think will change?“ That is what I should have said. But I didn’t. I stayed quiet. I did look disapprovingly at him – but that is the best I could do. Honestly, I have just spent an hour outlining the crippling effects this illness has on me. I have told him how long I have had it. I have explained what my doctors say. I have shown him my personal activity log (though he did not look at it – in fact not one person in the medical or legal or disability field has looked at it). And now, after all of that, it becomes clear that he does not believe me. He didn’t believe me from the very beginning. He didn’t believe me because I am too articulate, too intelligent (his words not mine – though obviously he didn’t get a real handle on me in that hour), too respectable looking, and – here is the kicker – I am only 29 years old. I am too young, too smart, and too well dressed to be sick. So I will just get better. I should have dressed in pajamas and not washed my hair. It would have been much easier and, in the end, more effective. But then, there is nothing much I can do about my age. Funnily enough the doctor said the same thing as the lawyer. First he made it clear that he didn’t think my illness existed (whilst at the same time scaring the pants off me by telling me I would die if I didn’t get help for my heart problem immediately. I’m sorry, why do you think I am here? I am seeking help. I have been seeking help for a long time. ) Then he berated me, implying that my illness was my fault. Then he told me I had wasted my whole life malingering. Then he said, “I think you’ll get better.” He didn’t offer any suggestions on how to make this happen. As you can probably tell, these encounters made me angry. They also made me sad and humiliated and mortified and insecure for a while. But this is what I have learned from them: Create a team made up only of people who believe you Whether you are trying for disability and need an advocate or a lawyer, or you are seeking medical help and need doctors, natural practitioners, specialists – whatever you are seeking, the team you compile must believe you first. It is the first requirement. They must also be competent and educated and offer some kind of help. But first and foremost, before anything else, they must believe you. If they do not believe you they will not be able to help you. If they do not believe you they WILL NOT BE ABLE TO HELP YOU. Rather, they will cause you physical and emotional harm. After many unhappy experiences like the above I finally did some online research to find doctors who deal specifically with my illness. My philosophy was that if they deal regularly with my illness, they must believe that it exists. So that is one hurdle over with. (You should be prepared to travel if you do not live in a big city.) From this research (and with some help from my family) I did find a medical doctor who not only believed me but listens and works hard for me. She is competent and equipped. Her whole office is set up to prove that she believes you – from the questions on the new patient forms to the length of the first interview. She deals primarily in autoimmune diseases. (I travel 2 hours one way to get to her office. It is worth it.) I also work with a natural practitioner and she is the one that helps me the most. She is also competent and educated and listens and works hard. And she believes me. If your Doctor does not believe you, get a new doctor. The same goes for your lawyer. How can they fight for you if they do not even believe you? That is what I have learned. I have read so many stories of people who go to doctors that constantly undermine and belittle them, that do not believe they are really sick. And these people receive no help from these doctors. Yet they keep going. Don’t do this to yourself. You are the first person on your team. You must be the first person who believes you, who works for you, who listens to you. Find others who can do the same. How to know whether they believe you Both men in my experiences above proved that they did not believe me. Neither of them were rude and neither were being intentionally unkind. In fact, I would go so far as to say that both of them liked me as a person. They both talked in a kindly manner. They both took a good amount of time with me. Despite all of this, their words and the meaning behind them were shattering. They both said they believed me at first. But that wasn't proved true by the rest of their words. Listen to what they are actually saying. All of it. Some will say it right out. Some are more subtle. But if you listen to what they are actually saying, you will know what they really think. Entering the medical or legal sphere is scary. Doctors can be scary. Nurses can be scary. Lawyers can be scary. But not all of them are the same. You will be able to find a team that believes in you. You will be able to find a team that has something to offer. And now it’s your turn. Have you found professionals who believe and help you? If so, how did you find them? photo credit: HikingArtist.com via photopin cc photo credit: michael.heiss via photopin cc photo credit: deadstar 2.1 via photopin cc