As regular readers of the Mercury know, we've been trying since 2000 to find a great new columnist to share the space currently held by Ann Romano's One Day at a Time. And while these "New Columns!" may have excellent pedigrees—such as "One Hulk's Opinion," "Frank Cassano's Imbecile Parade," "I Slipped the Banana to Hannah Montana by Carlos Santana," and many more—none have had the staying power that's necessary for a weekly column. In order...