Here at Chintz of Darkness we do not understand the new fangled pastimes and gadgets that people are currently so obsessed with. We are at an age when growing up there was more to play with than mud and sticks but hideous and mind numbing video games were not yet fine tuned enough for mass consumption. During the course of writing this post it has been agreed that playing with mud and sticks SHOULD be a required childhood activity, along with climbing trees, reading books (hey, kids remember those?) and tormenting your neighborhood until a petition is drafted to have you committed to the local zoo. Growing up Splendor was not allowed to have Barbie dolls. It seems as though there were strict orders not to expose her tender mind to the oppressive feminine ideals that the evil doll represented. This was perfectly fine, because everyone knows DOLLS COMPLETELY SUCK! Much fun was had with the politically proper chubby baby dolls received as gifts. Charming and innocent acts such as scalping, decapitating and water boarding (Splendor was ahead of her time…) and then throwing the remaining body parts in the yard. After disposing of the offensive dolls, quality time was spent with a large collection of sentient and sublime stuffed animals… As a child Seraph was quite gifted at creating panoramic battle scenes and architectural wonderments both indoors and out. Rumblings of a distant war turned the family’s backyard into a reenactment in miniature. Elaborate battles ensued complete with bloody wounds, flame throwers (dad kept turpentine in the garage…) and general destruction. Next time you see Seraph, ask him about the time when one of his sister’s dolls stopped by for a visit (again, proving that Barbie is a FILTHY SLUT.) Meanwhile, great indoor cities and spires sprung to life from the living room floor. This mystical assortment of oddly mismatch toys (hand me downs from both a brother and sister) creating vistas worthy of ‘The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari”. Seraph is still a gifted architect of many devious and wonderful things… Now all of this reminiscing about our rather demented childhood amusements got us thinking of devising some adult diversions. Firstly, one would need a human chess set of scantily clad courtiers. Who among us really needs a reason for body paint and costumes, much less an excuse to dress up as a knight? We would have to do something about the bishops though, because we really do not want those freaks running around the yard. The next game would be life sized Chinese checker board. The game pieces would all be tambourine pillows or elegant ottomans in dramatic shades of shimmering jewels. Players could lounge around between moves and smoke “cigarettes” or meet in the middle of the board for cocktails. We began developing a designer version of Twister involving Persian carpets and lily pads, but the adequate number of contortionists and trapezes artists could not be located this time of year…Did we mention the masked attendants with whips…oh, wait that was a different game board entirely… Gathered here are some of our favorite playing card pictorials… Most of the playing cards used in this post are from a fabulous deck called “The Keys to the Kingdom” by Tony Meeuwissen. (The “dirty” cards are of course by Paul Emile Becat…) Tell us, dear readers, what games do you like play? Death can on both black and white horses ride across the threshold of infinity he you guide Death can step along smiling within the dance and as a pawn in a game of chess you stand no chance (La Grande Danse Macabre by Marduk)
