“If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall” --1 Corinthians 10:12 What is dating? Dating is a part of human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship. It is not friendship; neither is it courtship or marriage. Why I started dating? Whatever we all do in life, I know quite well that it is influenced or driven by an intention, reason or purpose. I started dating in my early teen’s life. I had my reasons. Whatever you may think of me doesn’t matter. My reasons are my reasons… 1. I wanted to have a taste of what sex is all about. Yes!!! There is no point deceiving myself. With all I have heard and watch about sex experience, it was enough for me to venture into dating. I had a lot of casual female friends, but I needed a relationship that can give me a ticket to the sex world. (I hope you know what I mean). (# Bad Digestion: Eating bone without having teeth). 2. I wanted to play along the crowd—my male friends. I didn’t want to be left out in the ‘big boys with their babe’ trend. I didn’t want to be weird or dull among my buddies and pals. (#Negative peer pressure is always an open grave). 3. I felt I was in love and I desire strongly to follow my heart affection. I never really understood the difference between love, lust and infatuation. (#the heart of man is really deceptive!) 4. I wanted to prove that I had grown and was no longer that yesterday kid and that I could take responsibility. I didn’t want anybody to look down on me. I believed if I had my own girlfriend I would be respected by friends and others. (#Pride goeth before destruction). The Power of Purpose and Right Reasoning I started dating for what I believe are all wrong reasons for dating… You need to pause and think deeply. You need to do self-examination and evaluation to discover the reason why you are dating (if you are ready in one) or why you want to engage in dating relationship (if you are thinking about starting one). My experience while dating is nothing to right about. I believe the lessons I learnt from my failure and mistakes are powerful tools that will empower you for a great success when it comes to dating and sexual purity. Lack of positive purpose and right reasoning before starting a dating relationship will always lead to disaster at the end. Many relationships have been abuse, broken and destroyed because of failure to ask the right and honest questions. A lot of people, like me, are entering into dating relationship for all the wrong reasons because of their POOR MENTAL FITNESS AND BELIEF SYSTEM. Know this: Dating is not an experimental relationship for you to test-run a person to see if he/she can perform or if the person can meet your numerous demands. Ask yourself this: “Am I ready to date now?” “Do I even need to date?” Right reasoning produces right and positive purpose. Your intention will determine your approach. You must change your mentality if you want to succeed in the issue of sexuality as a youth or single. My Pursuit of Sexual Purity What is Sexual Purity? Sexual purity means ‘to be free from all forms of sexual perversion and immorality. It is living in victory over sexual lust and temptation’. It is sexual abstinence, not just in your body but also your heart, mind and spirit. In year 2006, when I became a Child of God, by accepting Jesus Christ into my Life as my Lord and Saviour, I made a decision to pursue after sexual purity. My dream, my top value and priority as a Youth and Single was to live a life of sexual purity and to honor and worship God with my body. I was not ready to compromise this great dream for anything or anyone. I was ready to do all it takes to pursue and embrace sexual purity with all determination and energy. I was told by many, including some Christians, that it is impossible to attain sexual purity in a sex-crazy world we live in. I was told that my vision of a world of sexual morality I seek as a Youth is nothing but a delusion and fantasy. (Maybe I was the next Harry Potter). In short; I must give up and play along with the crowd…after all, even many Christians are doing it—AND GOD UNDERSTANDS! But I never give in to the discouragement; neither did I succumb to people, worldly pressure, opinion or conviction. I have made up my mind. THREE THINGS THAT MADE ME PURSUE AFTER SEXUAL PURITY—YOU ALSO SHOULD FOLLOW SUIT. I saw some things in the Word of God (the Bible) that shocked and motivated me to pursue my holy dream. 1. 1 Thessalonians 4:3, “God's will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin”. #Truth: God’s Will is sexual purity. It is a divine command; not an option. 2. 1 Corinthians 10:13, “The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure”. #Truth: God is neither wicked nor selfish. He cannot tell us to do what we are not capable of. 3. Luke 1:37, “For with God nothing shall be impossible. #Truth: God alone has the power that can help us to walk in sexual purity. God told Abraham, “Walk before me and you will be blameless (Genesis 17:1). So therefore, if I walk with God, I will automatically walk in sexual purity. (TOP SECRET). Why I stop dating? Dating is not a divine command; but sexual purity is. Choosing not to engage in dating relationship is not a sin; but sexual immorality is a sin and wickedness. A lot of young growing Christian have ask me questions like, “Is it wrong to have a boyfriend?” “I want to live a pure life sexually but I love my girlfriend. Can I keep her and still achieve my desire?” Your Decision in life will determine your direction Your direction will determine your destiny. Let me share with you some few challenges I faced while I was dating that made me to give up such relationship experience. 1. It creates a strong doorway to sexual immorality. Dating is the most popular medium that has lead many young people into falling into sexual temptation. Dating relationship is more of romance and kissing than more of pep talks. It promotes the spirit of lust more than the spirit of love among young people. I was not ready to disappoint God, dishonor my body and fail in my quest to attain sexual purity. The pressure to have sex was too much I could handle. I had to make a decision. I KISSED DATING GOODBYE BECAUSE IT WAS A BIG THREAT TO MY SEXUAL PURITY DREAM!!! 2. It demands commitment, faithfulness and responsibility. Young people must be aware of these traits if they must succeed in dating relationship. In dating, it demands you always spend time alone with your partner. Both of you would like to hangout in some cool places and try to make the relationship romantic and sweet. The demands of dating created a serious distraction to my life, to my service to God and my career as a growing youth. I KISSED DATING GOODBYE BECAUSE I WANTED TO STAY FOCUS AND MAKE PROGRESS IN LIFE! 3. It can lead to heart break and emotional bondage. When your dating relationship does not have sense of direction, it will definitely lead to disaster and heartbreak. You need to know that dating is not friendship, neither is it courtship. So, you must make your intentions clear to your partner. Long dating will only lead to confusion, bondage and stagnation. Please we must not play with people’s heart. It is delicate. Do not give your partner false hopes and leave he/she empty. Don’t date to experiment like me. I KISSED DATING GOODBYE BECAUSE I NEVER WANTED TO BREAK ANY PERSON’S HEART! I want you to understand something here. I am speaking from my personal experience I had with three girls I dated. But I am not telling you that because I failed you will also fail. No. I am not also telling to make a decision to follow my path. No. LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR: The problem of sexual immorality is not dating; it is spirit of lust. Dating is not a sin; sexual immorality is. Just because I quit dating doesn’t mean it is evil. But I want you to think about these things seriously. There is a great challenge in walking in sexual purity and keeping your date as a young person. You may think you are so wise and strong and you are handle every demand and pressure that comes you way. Congratulation, you are better than me—go ahead!!! But if you think we are on the same page… I mean if you believe you can’t handle the pressure and demand that comes with dating, you can follow my path. Please do not let dating destroy your relationship with God just because you want to satisfy your emotions. If you feel that it is a threat to your walk in sexual purity, please do not hesitate to quit like me. To me; my decision to stop dating and pursue sexual purity was perhaps the best decision I have made as a youth/single. I am not saying that when you don’t do dating, you will be free from sexual temptation. (Far from it). Of course, I know very well that if you do not fornicate in dating, you can still be tempted to masturbate when you are alone. This lesson is not to give you a conclusion, but to lay a strong foundation for right reasoning and wise decision making. Remember… Pursue after sexual purity and be ready to do whatever it takes to embrace her. Rufus Yamoah Sexual Morality Counselor