Its late Sunday night (Monday morning) and I have to leave on a business trip in the morning. I've done this before - many times, but the whole week being gone doesn't happen often. I never thought having kids would change me so much. I never thought being away from them for a few days would fill me with so much anxiety. I never thought I'd be such a homebody! The red bull I drank tonight to get everything done - wasn't a good idea as now I can't sleep, up wondering what I'm forgetting for my trip, what I'm forgetting to have ready for my kids and Mike. The joys of motherhood. This time of year - with school starting, getting back into a routine and a schedule - I think of all the things I want for my kids. How can I help them grow? How do I teach them what is important in life. How do I teach Sam the sounds of the letters! How do I find more time to read to Jake. I find myself picking between reading to him, having him read to me, taking a shower - why can't I find the time to fit it all in? How do I find a way to balance work, quilting, house work, homework, being a decent wife, and mother? I know this is the universal question we all ask and hope to achieve. My goal or word this year was balance. A few months ago I changed jobs. I had been at my old place of business for 18 years - half my life. It was a hard decision to leave - even when I wasn't happy - it was life changing. But I've moved to another company that gives me the opportunity to work from home daily - and gives me a better work/home balance and I haven't looked back or regretted the decision once. This summer I have tried to spend more time outside with the kids. The sun does us all good! But as a mother - you always worry about what you're not doing. I haven't worked with them enough over the summer. What are they forgetting? Are they in enough activities? Are they getting enough attention? My red bull ramblings for the night....my friend takes ambien and then sews and texts me and doesn't remember much in the morning - I have a feeling I'll feel the same about this in the morning! By the time this posts - I'll be on my way home. My kids will have had a wonderful week with Disneyland Dad, and grandma's that spoil them with attention. And all my worrying and anxiety will have been for nothing. But boy do I hate not seeing these cute little faces EVERY day.
Grief has taught me that loving is pretty similar to living: maybe, two lines in the same poem. Read these poems about grief to remember that death is part of the circle of life. That without an end, something couldn’t begin. And maybe circles don’t really have endings or beginnings, just continuations.
A Wild & Wise Woman.
photo credit: Pinterest
One of my craft projects for this upcoming school year is to put quotes in picture frames in my office, kind of like this: I haven’t decided yet if I am going to do them all myself or let the…
