One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.” “Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them...
A nun needs to use the restroom and goes into Hooters. She asks if she can use the restroom and the bartender tells her there is a naked - joke of the day
“I have an idea,” says the father. He puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. “If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey, he’ll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible, that means he’ll be a preacher.” So the man and his wife hide...
... with two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?” “Sand,” answered Juan. The guard says, “We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He...
He asks him what happened. His friends says, “Well I was in church and...” The man interrupts “Church! How do you get hurt in church?” The friend continues, “Well, I was sitting behind this woman Angelina, and after a while, what with all the standing, sitting and kneeling, I noticed she...
The lizard looks up and says “Hey, what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint. Come up and join me.” So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey, and they have another joint. After a while, the lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’, and that he’s going to get a drink from the...
He would walk around the savanna mocking all the other animals, even the King himself, the Lion. One day his wife, the Lioness asked him: “Why do you let that stupid hyena taunt you like that? You are the king. Do something about him.” But he simply responded: “Let him be. He isn’t hurting...
While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, ‘Kin ya swallar?’ ...
A hillbilly’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night. The frantic husband called a doctor out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said,... “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I am doing!” Soon a...
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... “If I can show something you have never seen before will you give me a free drink?” Now the barman has seen mostly everything in his time and says, “Sure, impress me and hell, I’ll give you a free tab for the eve!” So the man puts down the box and opens it and then he pulls a small...
In these dark days of swiping, ghosting, and underwhelming dates where both of you dutifully trudge through canned responses about jobs and siblings and hobbies, it’s easy to conclude that romance is dead, a quaint old custom that society…
“Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?” No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!” Mrs...
So I called Joseph, the 14 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over. Joseph clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?” He replied, “It was an ID ten T error.” I...
A young man falls in love and wants to get married but when he calls his dad, he learns there is a big problem... - funny story
The devil decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they’re happy. They tell him, “Well, we’re so sick of the cold where we’re from, and this place is nice and toasty.” The devil, annoyed, storms away and goes to...
Best Minions Quotes Of The Week
Dating is one of those "no risk, no reward" things — if you don't ever put your heart on the line, your odds of finding happiness and falling in love are pretty slim. But unfortunately, that means that sometimes you get your heart broken, and one of…
Three brothers each marry a woman. The first one married a woman from Minneapolis, and said to her: “When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean and tidy.” He didn’t see any changes on the first day, but on the second day the house was clean and tidy. The second brother married...
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. What’s strange is that the parrot doesn’t seem to have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, “Sheesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?” The parrot says, “I was born this way. I’m a defective parrot.” “Holy...
“Can anyone give me an example?” She asks. Suzie raises her hand, “The grass is definitely green.” “Sometimes the grass can be brown,” The teacher answers. “Anyone else?” “The sky is definitely blue,” Says Timmy. “The sky can be gray if it’s cloudy, or black at night,” Says the...
In a terrible car accident, 3 nuns die at the same time. They all appear […] More
A priest is driving his car down a sunny country road when he sees a nun waiting at a bus stop. He pulls over and offers her a lift. The young nun thanks him, puts her luggage in the trunk, and sits down in the passenger seat next to the priest. As they set off, the nun shifts to fasten...
A man dies and goes to hell Once there, he finds that there is a […]
The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?” He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.” “OK, have you ever been in the military service?” “Yes,” he says, “I was in Afghanistan for one tour.” The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra points toward...
A beautiful young woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He decides that because she’s wearing a uniform, she’s probably an off-duty Flight Attendant. So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly. He...
“Doctor, I need your help,” the woman says. “What seems to be the problem?” “My […]
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A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work.” The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop. A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber
While being bilingual opens up new horizons for the person, it doesn’t mean they have the ability to be a translator. Translation requires skills. It’s really unfair to think bilingual …
But after college one moves to Georgia and the other to California. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other. At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch. “Where you wanna go?” “Hooters.” “Why Hooters?” “They...
So there’s a deaf accountant who works for the mafia. One day, the king pin mafioso is checking out the books and notices there’s a million dollars missing. He calls a meeting with the deaf accountant and a sign language translator. “Ok, there’s a million dollars missing, where is it?”...
He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench. “Your Honor,” he said, “I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against...
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for an answered prayer. Mary stood and walked to the podium. She said, “I have some praise. Two months ago, my husband, Frank, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed.” “The pain was...
76 million are retired. That leaves 251 million to do the work. There are 48 million people who are permanently disabled. Which leaves 203 million to do the work. There are 74 million children younger than 6. Which leaves 129 million to do the work. There are 95.2 million children...
memes > work
For people who laugh so they don't cry — we see you.
For people who laugh so they don't cry — we see you.
Having lived in this world for almost a quarter-century, I can tell that life is much more absurd than our parents and teachers tell us. Sometimes all you can do is laugh at bizarre situations.
Check out this fun riddle. See if you get the answer. If you don't click on the link to see what it is. #riddle #brainteaser
If you're starting a new job in the foreseeable future, check out these first day of work memes for a laugh and some reassurance.
... whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would...
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. “Not a chance,” says the husband, “It is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed. ...
A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. “There is a blind man to see you,” she