Funny Mother's Day Greeting Card with Envelope - Mom Laundry Hamper GPS , Love You Mom, Best Mom Ever, Mom's Day

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6 Restoring Affirmations To Increase Your Awareness

Talk about irony... I ordered a GPS and it got lost in the mail!

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Just turned in the final illustrations for Lost Cat, A True Story of Love, Desperation and GPS Technology, due out in 2013 from Bloomsbury, written by phenomenal author Caroline Paul, who i'm also lucky to call my partner.

THE SOCIOPATH: "I'm taking the kids for the next three weeks. You won't see your kids… …" "I'm not going to pay you a dime in child support. You will end up on the street if I have anything to do with it." "I'm going to quit my job so you'll have to pay me child support instead." "I'll quit my job that pays six figures and go get a job as a garbage man." "You won't get anything if you leave me. I'll see to that." "Wow, you're going to have to go get a job and stop mooching off me… maybe you can get a night job." "If it wasn't for me marrying you, you would have ended up in a string of bad relationships and probably stripping for a living." "The kids don't want to have anything to do with you… wow, their own mother." ************************ If you've experienced any or all of these threats of abuse or even something similar you're likely dealing with a narcissistic sociopath. He makes threats and those threats are intended to instill fear in you, to bring you down and to make you crumble… to make you give in, to feel frozen, to admit defeat and slash your self esteem in the process. BUT YOU CAN SAY NO TO FEAR YOU CAN SAY NO TO DEFEAT YOU CAN SAY NO TO LOSING YOUR SELF ESTEEM He/she may win for awhile… a narcissistic sociopath may win for a short time, but long term? No…. he won't. You have the ability to stop him/her in his/her tracks. You have the power to overcome, to conquer that crazy torpedo aimed at you. You have way more arsenal tucked away in your little pinky finger than he/she does in that brain of his/hers as he/she tries to hatch his/her next evil plot. You have the ability to overcome his/her game of evil. The best advice I can give you regarding how to handle a narcissistic sociopath? STOP FUELING THE FIRE. INSTEAD, THROW WATER ON IT. go no contact A narcissistic sociopath will attempt to do everything he possibly can to make your life a living hell. He/she is like a defiant child who tries to get a reaction out of you even if it's through negative action. He/she desires supply. He/she will use the Family Wizard that you are to communicate on as a platform for his/her threats, his/her manipulations, outrageous lies and childish games. Let him. Or he/she will alternatively refuse to use it and instead attempt to communicate via phone. Don't answer the phone; ignore! He/she may put messages on the Wizard of how he's/she's willing to discuss in person whatever the latest issue is… maybe your son's need for braces, etc. Yet he/she will push for it to be an in-person discussion of the matter versus his/her thoughts and concerns being documented on the Wizard. You can use this. You can point out to the court how he/she is not following what was ordered. You can point out how he/she continues to push for in-person discussions when it's not necessary. So in the interim ignore it. Let him/her continue to set himself up. The biggest key in dealing with a narcissistic sociopath is to: IGNORE HIM (or her) Hard, I know… maybe even difficult or just plain impossible, you say. But… in order to "deal with him" it's imperative to learn some coping skills and one of those is to find an outlet for stress… whether it's exercise, meeting up with friends, journaling, etc… find something constructive that will allow you to release your pent up stress. This is ultimately about letting go and realizing reality… it's a process of change, of transformation… that begins with the sober realization that you cannot change him/her… this leads you to the distance needed from him/her… to where what he/she does doesn't get you worked up any longer (at least 90% of the time) and you can shrug and say "Oh, well. His/her crazy channel is on again". It's not possible to change him/her… because let's face it…. if you could, you'd still be married…. you would have waved your magic wand and he/she would have been transformed from a fruitcake to angel food (sorry, but I'm hungry) and you'd be singing "Happy" by Pharrell. But put the brakes on that dream because that's exactly what it is… a dream. Let's get back to reality shall we? 5 Tips In Dealing With A Narcissistic Sociopath: 1. He will never admit you're right. He believes in two things; power and more power. He sees you as weak and himself as all-powerful. Think about what you're doing that is giving him more power…. if you guessed your reactions to him… you'd be right. Goes back to ignore. 2. He believes himself to be an elitist. He has no use for people who he deems "lower" than him (which is pretty much everyone) and won't take any real advice from a therapist. He may tag along on appointments for the children (as the "caring" father; yes, it's a facade) and "listen" to their recommendations of how to parent better, he may smile, nod and say all the things the therapist wants to hear but as soon as he is home alone with the child he does exactly as he wishes… the opposite of what the therapist says. Don't call him on his behavior. Don't accuse. (however tempting) Ignore. Quietly document and continue to do so. 3. He is bored beyond belief. He will continue to try to engage with you in some manner… likely at an event like the children's soccer game, a birthday party, etc. Your job? To now be known as the most utterly boring person on the face of the earth when around him. {Don't answer his calls at all, screen emergencies by voicemail} The next time he's attempting to engage with you; Be boring. Be vanilla. Talk about the weather in such intricate detail he slips into a bored comatose oblivion onto the floor. Do not smile. Do not make facial expressions. Do not allow emotion to play across your face. Remember that college professor with the monotone voice that put you to sleep? Channel that. Be so non-reactive to him that he will no longer gain supply from you. Or read up on Gray Rock Method 4. He will twist the truth and outright lie. When he accuses you ALWAYS verify if it's truth or a lie. ALWAYS go the extra mile and effort. It will pay off. Example; You each talk to a new potential therapist for the children. Later he tries to say via the Wizard that she didn't want to see the children due to talking to you. Knowing he would never believe you'd follow through and have the guts to call up the therapist and inquire about his accusation and it's accuracy you do just that. Low and behold... what do you know... she confirms he lied to you. Imagine that. Big points for you. Save that baby for court. 5. He does the opposite of what you tell him to. This is where things get interesting… and predictable if you've been dealing with a narcissistic sociopath for awhile. It's important you learn how to play his game… because to him it's all a game. Let's say he doesn't ever listen to you (big shocker, I know) and takes the children on his week to see your dad. The dad you have distanced yourself from because guess what? He's a narcissist. You secretly don't want your ex taking the children to see your dad. You know he's not a good influence on them. You have two choices here: One, you could ignore your ex's repeated attempts when he takes the kids to see your dad, hoping he will eventually stop on his own. (Because you voicing opposition will surely only encourage him to do it anyway). Or, two… you could voice just enough opposition knowing he will then go right ahead and do exactly what he wishes… because by now you know his nature…. and then use that against him later in court. Let him stand there as the judge asks him point blank why he continues to overstep boundaries. Let him answer for his continual and complete blatant disregard for your boundaries and beliefs. © gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2014 To My Readers: Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing!

“Love Triangle” by marin via FreeDigitalPhotos.net names have been omitted in this post Spring 2011 ************ "I'm NOT going!" I yelled at him as I tossed makeup and personal items like hairspray and deodorant into my vanity drawer in the bathroom… slamming the drawer shut with a loud bang. "Oh, yes you ARE!" My husband retorted back at me angrily as he proceeded to smooth Rogaine on his receding hairline in front of the bathroom mirror. "And WHY is that?!" I exclaimed in likewise anger… then added "I see no reason for me to go to your stupid twentieth high school reunion. You know I hate stuff like that! It's just a bunch of people standing around comparing notes on how everyone's done in life. It's all superficial." I told him. "You're going because you're my WIFE! That's why! I'M going… so YOU'RE going!" He yelled back in mounting frustration like I was a petulant three year old child that wouldn't just shut up and behave. He took extra care to comb his hair in place that was still damp from his shower and then proceeded to brush his teeth… like some kind of animal he brushed… the tooth brush bristles were frayed like a dog had chewed on them… it reminded me of my dad's toothbrush when I was little. "That's just the DUMBEST thing I've ever heard! Just because you decide to go doesn't mean I need to! Just because were married doesn't mean we have to be hitched at the hip! You always expect me to tag along to this crap… business dinners, company parties… and I'm freaking SICK OF IT! Grow up! Grow some balls! Go by yourself!" I yelled at him completely over what I perceived to be his extreme neediness and control. "You know… you got off the hook completely… I haven't taken you to a single reunion. I went and picked up my diploma from the school and was done with it! How nice for YOU!!!" I added with a tone of nasty sarcasm. "Jennifer! JENNIFER!!!" He chastised me. "What part of this do you NOT understand???!!! YOU ARE GOING!!! PERIOD!!! IT'S NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION!!!" With that… he walked off. Like he always did. Conversation over. ************** The night finally arrived… the night of his much dreaded twentieth high school reunion. It was going to be held in a room at the convention center downtown… lame name badges and whispered glances ensued as we walked in. I had spent an inordinate amount of time getting ready… hair flat ironed, little black dress, glowing tanner from a bottle, makeup and nails… and painful heels… all of it I'd done to "make him happy" and shut him up when I would have preferred to be at home in my pajamas, hair in a bun and eating a box of cookies in front of the tv or reading a book. But instead I was on his arm internally rolling my eyes at the scene before me. A few people mingled around with their drinks but it seemed for the most part the majority stayed in selective huddles. As I scanned the room, inside I fumed and resentment grew that I was there. Marriage sucked alright, I thought to myself. At least it did with him, I thought, giving him a side glance of contempt. We slowly made our way across the room past various groups toward the opposite side where a long white clothed table of catered food was spread out and a bartender stood ready to serve drinks. I noticed that with the exception of his best friend and two women no one initiated conversation with him. It was becoming more and more obvious that we were on our own. Awkward didn't even begin to touch how it felt. I began to wonder what the deal was when the photographer hired began to encourage everyone to move to the staircase and choose a spot for a group photograph. I stood over to the side by the long stretch of windows that looked out at the downtown bustle… couples walked by dressed up to go to dinner and maybe see a show… couples who were having a good time and heads were bent toward one another in closeness and intimate conversation, occasional laughter and genuine smiles. With a drink in my hand I turned back to the room and observed as the class reunion took their places on the staircase and smiled for photo after photo to be taken. A few minutes later the crowd was breaking up from their photo session and it was then I felt someone beside me. A man to my left. I turned slightly to glance over at him. "What a night, huh?" He smiled easily at me holding a beer, his eyes twinkling at the nostalgia of it all. "Yeah… " I replied "Is this your class?" I asked him not sure if he was one of the graduates or was a spouse of one. He smiled and nodded "Yeah… it's been a pretty great night getting to catch up with everyone. Crazy. I can't believe it's been twenty years, you know?" I nodded "I'm sure… " "So… who are you here with? Who is your husband?" He asked me with curiosity. I looked at him and told him my husband's name. It was then that his face dropped. No smile. No niceties. No anything. His expression turned from laid-back and friendly to immediately tense. He stared at me as if he wanted to say something. But instead he brushed past me and walked away. Just like that he was gone without a word or explanation. I stood there trying to collect my thoughts in bewilderment. I didn't understand what on earth had just happened. One minute everything was fine and the next… not so much. I took a sip from the small clear plastic cup I held in my hand… and tried to process what had just happened. Clearly there was some reason he had acted that way… there was some reason why my husband's name made him walk off without a word. Little did I know then that the rest of the evening would prove to be disastrous… people weren't interacting with us… and I began to voice that I was ready to leave. "In a minute" I was told despite his attempts at letting people know all about his work, where he lived and what he drove. I was becoming increasingly frustrated and alarmed that obviously there was some valid reason why at least ninety percent of these people were not making an effort to reminisce about high school with him or even what they had been up to the past twenty years. Eventually we departed… after much of my tugging on his arm to "come on, were leaving(!)" out of embarrassment for him. I hadn't wanted to come yet at the same time I was so completely unprepared for how the evening had played out… and it left me with more questions than answers. Why did it feel like I had entered the twilight zone when I'd stepped into that room that night? I asked him... "Is there something you haven't told me?" and "Why do none of these people seem to want to interact with you?" and "Did you do something to make these people so blatantly dislike you?" Avoidance ensued. Silence. Glancing at his profile as we walked along the now emptying sidewalks of downtown in the windy night I detected growing irritation from him mixed with a set jaw and an ego that had been knocked to the ground if not lower. Something changed that night. I felt it then but didn't really understand it fully until much much later… over a year and a few months later into my divorce. Hindsight is a funny thing. Later that night enduring a horse and carriage ride along the quaint downtown streets with him and his best friend and his girlfriend we all sat in near silence. Internally I questioned how on earth I was with this person. It was like he had been outed for the jerk he was… I was just late to get the memo… over ten years late but it was received that night. And he knew it. That night looking back… I see so clearly now I unknowingly entered the discard stage by him. Slowly but painfully I was being viewed by him as the problem… I wasn't as young as I once was… I wasn't as this or that… I wasn't as willing to just say "okay" anymore and acquiesce to him and whatever he wanted to do. I had become more and more vocal and he didn't like it. That night he knew I no longer saw him as I once had… any remaining view of him in a positive light at that point was extinguished like a smutty cigarette. I saw him fully for who he was. And it wasn't pretty. Discard: When the narcissistic sociopath has realized the relationship he's had with you has come to an end. He (or she) has used up every bit of good in you… they've taken your self-worth, your happiness, your peace, your confidence, your personal boundaries, your dignity, maybe even your support system… Even if you are the one who leaves first either by walking away or filing for divorce, you are still suffering from the emotional fallout of a toxic relationship as you now realize with painful clarity that it was all fake, a fraud, his (or her) love was not real… it was merely a show to gain narcissistic supply to feed their infantile and sick ego. The best news is eventually you can get to a healthier place… leaving is the first step. As time goes on and with therapy, self care and lots of support from friends and family… you can live the great life you imagined… experiencing real love, a life without tension, anxiety and eggshells… and feel physically better too. A narcissistic sociopath may discard you for what they believe to be a better choice but with that comes something even greater for you… your freedom. © gps-gracepowerstrength.blogspot.com ~ 2015

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*** 1. In chess, every move has a purpose. Life obviously cannot be lived with this much unceasing calculation, nor should we want to live it that way, but there are times when we must align our ac…

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Parent meetings on overdrive

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I have a love and hate relationship with change. I hate it but at the same time I long for it.