I should've warned you to put on a pair of goggles and a mouth mask before staring at that picture, because now you've probably got L.A. Looks gel crusties stuck to your eyeballs and you're choking on a cloud of White Rain hairspray fumes. Millions of 20-somethings and 30-somethings are recoverin
The director of Tracers knows that nobody wants to see Taylor Lautner try to act again (it's painful for him and it's painful for us) and what people really want to see is him bent over and peddling that ass on the stroll. Hustle that ass, Taylor. Hustle that ass. I know Taylor's supposed to look a
The Billboard Music Awards show wasn't totally a lukewarm cesspool of crap music, whiny fetuses and three cent strippers (see: Nicki Minaj). There was some true talent there too. In between Miguel's Janelle Monae-looking ass nearly giving a girl brain damage and Chris Brown summoning the demons with
Sjinkie Knegt, the speed skater from the Netherlands who embodied the Olympic spirit and showed the children what real sportmanship is all about when he threw a double "fuck you" at his opponent Victor An of Russia during a pre-race for the Sochi games in Dresden on Sunday. When Sjinkie Knegt (wh
Yesterday I linked to Aretha Franklin's cover of fellow BBW Adele's "Rolling In The Deep" mashed up with "Ain't No Mountain High Enough," which is off of her new album Aretha Franklin Sings the Great Diva Classics, and I really didn't pay attention to the auto-tuned-as-hell vocals, because my sense
You can now go ahead and update your LinkedIn profile to read: Current - Professional Allen/Farrow Response Reader at My Couch, because keeping up with the responses in this mess has become a full-time job. Last night, Woody Allen dropped his ten million word response to Dylan Farrow's abuse clai
By popular demand and in "all of us immature bitches need to grow up (no, we don't)" news, here's the flying DONG DONG, the gold medal-winning trampoline jumper from China! GOOOOOOO DONG DONG! My night was made last night, when the Olympic trampoline commentator (To Buddha or who ever else it may
The Black Snake Firework! Over 230 years ago, our founding daddies broke up with King George III and the rest of Britain by writing them one of those "we just don't want the same things anymore, we've grown apart, etc..etc..." letters on Lisa Frank stationary. Then they wrapped that "bitch bye" lett
Even when Jennifer Garner's ex-husband Scott Foley was a 20-something on Felicity, he looked like somebody's hot 40-something, yuppy dad who drove a dark green Jeep Cherokee, had two golden retrievers named Chip and Buddy, only wore Dockers on the weekends, said "Yellow!" when he answered the phone,
Well, I guess that solves the Blind Item about the chick who's douche-baby boyfriend told her to stuff her titties full of silicone? On Thursday, Selena Gomez posted this picture of her and three friends looking like 4 demons from The Ring out for girl’s night drinks in Hell to Instagram. Typically
The unauthorized Wet Seal mobile spotted in the parking lot of a TJ Maxx in Little Rock, Arkansas! Dlisted reader Donald spotted a magical orange and pank unicorn in the form of a Wet Seal car, took a picture and sent it in, because he knows I try to curate all things elegant. I hated Wet Seal e
Your eyeballs are probably freaking out and jumping all over the place like you just gave yourself a Red Bull enema while freebasing speed. There's nowhere safe for your eyes to land. You look up and you see Kim Kardashian's rubber spatula face that looks like a cross between a melting horse Shrinky
Or is that the dude from Storage Wars? Christian Bale (more like, Christian Bald) and his hair are fucking done professionally, because he shaved it all off and worked his new bald bitch look while walking through LAX with his family the other day. I don't know whether I want to buy meth from hi
A hero to stoners everywhere! Mashable says that earlier this month, a Photoshopped picture of three Girl Scouts selling cookies in front of a Colorado marijuana dispensary made the rounds before the Girl Scouts of Colorado said it was a hoax and that they'd never approve of that shit. Well, I gu
Presenting the new official state flower of Florida: CRYSTAL METHENEY! From now on, every time there's a Miss USA or Miss America or Miss Whatever pageant, Florida should have to send Crystal Metheney to represent their state, because she is the only Miss Florida that this country needs. A stage
Jared Leto, Kylie Jenner, Khlozilla and every other trick with ombre hair should know that certain CVSes are open 24 hours, so they should drive to one immediately, buy the first box of hair pant they see and dye the ombre out of their mops, because nobody has or will ever bring the ombre like Bruce
Four months ago, the rainbow flag lost one of its colors (not really) when the sugar-coated seahorse Antoine Dodson magically prayed away his craving for peen and asked the Lord to light up the path that leads to pussy. Antoine Dodson became a Hebrew Israelite, renounced his gayness, turned in his t
Last January, I stared at a picture of Vanessa Bryant PNJ (post nose job) on my monitor and softly sang the lyrics to "Wind Beneath My Wings" after reading that she hit Kobe Bryant up big in the divorce settlement by getting 3 Newport Beach mansions and half of the $150 million he made during their
Sarah Palin may be an empty-headed fame whore who speaks out of her ass 100% of the time, but it's moments like these where I appreciate her, because she's out there keeping refined glamour alive in America. Sarah Palin isn't only on the front lines of the non-existent War on Christmas, but she's al
I don't approve of the things that come out of Sarah Palin's mouth, but I do approve of the frosted glamour she smeared on her mouth before her appearance on Fox News last night. The Governor of Alaska turned Dancing with the Stars seat filler went on Fox News last night to blab about blah blah blah
The funnel cake ice cream sandwich! As a people, we're running out of diabetes-inducing deep fried sugary deliciousness to fill our bodies with, but thankfully for us, an ice cream shop in Alhambra, CA (SHOUT OUT TO ALHAMBRA!) reached for the deep fried stars and pulled out the funnel cake ice cr
Non-stop performance art piece, messy gift that keeps on giving and proud pussy eater Mayor Rob Ford let the citizens of Toronto know that since it's Daylight Saving Time, they need to turn their clocks back to I CAN'T O'CLOCK. The part of his brain that remembered to "spring forward and fall back"